10 THE JOURNAL, MAY 15, 1990 H Elderly Suicide [ by Mary McFerren [ r..HH.HH.HHHH/#..H#HHHHHHH.HHHHHHH.HHHMHHHHHHome Economics/4 Anniversaries, holidays and special events such as reunions, birthdays, and simple family tra- ditions tend to reawaken feelings of loneliness, loss, and isolation. For scme older adults the feelings associated with these "special times" can become part of a dan- gerous cycle of hopelessness and helplessness ending in suicide. Threats of suicide should never be ignored. Dr. Jim Keller, Direc- tor of the Center for Family Serv- ices at Virginia Tech stresses that "any suicide threat should be taken seriously!" A suicidal individual requires professional help and surveillance 24 hours a day until the threat of suicide is over. But what about interrupting the pro- gression of the suicide decision in the early stages of development? What can citizens of the Com- monwealth do for each other to help curb the rising suicide rates in the older adult population? Drawing from his expertise in marriage and family therapy and his experience working with older adults, Dr. Keller has the follow- ing suggestions for lay persons who want to reach out to those elders who could become "at risk" of suicide. 1. Be a good listener. If some- one says, "I'd be better off dead", there are good and bad responses. A few of the bad responses that shut down communication are: "You've got everything to live for,"" You don't really m can that." "I don't want to hear that," A better response might be,, "What do you mean?" or"You have been thinking about death?" The good listener encourages expression of feelings and keeps communica- tion channels open. It is okay to" allow a person to express feelings of loneliness, ange r, despair, fear, or rage. 2. Don't drop your sense of humor. Continue to: be yourself. ! withma taking on a morbid or llen-m attitUde while talklng tb  the other person. A sad and lonely person can generate enough mor- bid thoughts without you seeming to agree with him or her. 3. Maintain emotional cormect- cdncss. Helping someone avoid a suicide decision requires being seen as an ally. This means giving more than just 30 minutes of your time as a one shot contribution to his/her weIlbeing. Remember, individuals headed for high risk often have experienced social Off to the Dog Shows King George dog show enthusi- asts have had successes in the last few weeks. At the Central Vir- ginia Shetland Sheepdog Club match show, April 29 in Hanover, Hallie Ray brought out her young- est puppies. Three month old Draco's Soldier of Fortune placed third in a large class, and his sister, Draco Gleneagl Fire in the Sky, was awarded Best Puppy and Best of Breed. At the May 5 Chickahominy Dog Fanciers match, also in Ha- nover, Dr. Ray's Shetland Sheepdogs showed in the Obedi- ence classes, with Draeo's Adml. ralty CD taking first place in Open A, and Weatwood's Janissary of Draco CDX HC and Draco's Swan Lake CDX HC taking second and third in Utility. On May 6, Dr. Ray chaired the See Show, page 14  Rolane ] St00ling Salon The Society of Professional Hairstyling Open "rues - Fri from 9-7 Sat. from 9-5 ClosedSun and Man 3255 Jeff D&vis Hwy Bumgardner Center Stafford 659-8537 isolation (real or imagined) and need help reconnecting with old or developing new, meaningful relationships and other activities to increase self esteem. Sharing hobbies and other enjoyable ac- tivities such as going to a movie, eating a meal, or simply going shopping can be very beneficial when done on a regular basis. Senior centers are also a wonder- ful place for a person to socialize and develop new friendships. 4. Allow the older person to make decisions and take risks. When the risks, responsibilities and decisions of daily living are taken away, most people experi- ence a sense of loss and worthless- ness. Adult children are frequently guilty of taking away an aging parent's sense of control and wellbcing by making all or most of the decisions for the parent. Unless the choice is unsafe or otherwise harmful, learn to give the individual the freedom of choice and the self respect he/she deserves. 5. Don't try to be a lay therapist. Suicide threats are serious! the firsl four suggestions are useful as preventative measures before the threat of suicide becomes real. II, however, you detect any bother some changes in the individual's behavior or hear any mention of a suicide plan, it is time to get the assistance of a professional. In those instances in which the plan may be well formulated with de- tails for when, where, and how the suicide will occur, you should get help immediately. 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